On this Valentines Day I find myself counting my blessings of those the Lord has put in my life. Wow! God is gracious and I don't think that I can thank Him enough for how He is working in my life. I can see God at work just by thinking of how he brought 2 certain men in my life.
My Husband is perfect for me. When you are talking about starting a family with your soon to be spouse, you never imagine that infertility can or will be a factor. You dream that you will have no trouble and will get pregnant right when you start trying. I mean, God did call us to be fruitful and multiply right?
Well in our family there are infertility problems, and it would have been a lot harder if I did not have a supportive husband. God knew that there would be problems and he gave me the perfect man to help me get through these problems. (I also like to think that I have helped him to get through the heart ache as well.)
As I look back from the realization of the infertility to now, I see my husband through a new lens. I see a man who was never frustrated with how I have rode this roller coaster, but instead he got in beside me and held my hand through the lowest and highest parts. I see a man who wasn't quick to try to find a solution or angry that he couldn't fix our problem, but instead he reminded me that our God is in control. I see a man who didn't ignore or belittle my dreams of a family, but was more than willing to start our family through fostering and ultimately adoption.
Oh I love the man that God has blessed me with, and I love him more and more everyday. My heart is full!
Harrison, besides being the most adorable little boy ever, was chosen for our family. (I am already crying... oh the Lord has been so good!) I have to be honest. In the early years of our infertility I was stubborn, I did not want someone else's child, I wanted MY own biological child. I wanted to see Erick and I's features when I gazed into that baby's face! Adoption was not an option for the longest time. Oh I am so so so thankful that God changed my heart. Money was not even a reason for not wanting to adopt, even though there was no way that we could ever afford to adopt if we wanted, it was selfishness and stubbornness.
God was taking
us me on a little journey through that mental jungle of, lets call it, immaturity. Erick was always open from day 1, but he didn't pressure or bring it up a lot, instead he let God work in my heart. If you have been reading my blog over the last 2 years, you know the miracle that happened that brought us to Harrison so I won't go back into that; but as I just recently went back through I saw myself "grow-up". I saw a girl who was constantly look inward and outward, to upward. Make sense? God didn't just yank my face up towards Him, but gradually got my attention on Him and when I came to complete realization that he is the plan maker, not me, he revealed what he has had in store for my family since day one. A small package named Harrison.
Adoptions are hard, not only because of the money but also because of the time table. This morning I was watching adoption stories, and a couple was wanting to adopt a baby and they found out it could take up to 10 years ... seriously that is nuts! Our adoption was probably the smoothest I have ever heard of! First of all we did not have to pay a dime (Thank you to our anonymous donors!) and we didn't have to wait barely any time at all. We found out about Harry in mid October and got to take him home in March! That is 5 months! From start to finish! AHHH why was I blessed to have such a miraculous adoption?! I have no idea, which makes me so much more thankful!
Back to the baby, Harrison is my son. When I look into his face, I see my bright blue eyes, the cleft chin that both Erick and I have, as well as a nose that looks like Erick's. My child is beautiful, he was made to be our son. He is super active, stubborn, funny, adventurous, and I wouldn't want him any other way. Perfect!
Finally but not the least important I wanted to talk about my
Abba Father. I know that the words that I am going to write about Him will not even scratch the surface of his influence and impact in my life, but I wanted to give Him credit, since he is the reason for EVERYTHING.
Okay where do I start? Here is my God who have fulfilled my hearts desire for a family. He didn't have to, but he did! Here is my God who gave me my hearts desire for a loving, godly husband. He didn't have to, but he did! Here is my God who gave me the amazing, yet sometime crazy, support system of our family and friends. Each person has been a much needed part of this puzzle and wow and I glad he picked who he did!
This just came to me... If you have the mind set that you need to be a perfect Christian to get blessing from God I am proof that God blesses because he loves us, not because we are perfect and deserve it. I still struggle with this fact because I am a people pleaser, but God is not into that. He blesses you because He loves you and we are a part of His ultimate plan.
Friends and family who read this, first of all sorry for all the bad grammar and run-on sentences, (my husband always laughs and then sighs when he has to read something of mine. Probably just did) but I hope that you have realized that God is good to all of His children. I also hope that you have taken a good look at your life and can see the hand of God in all areas of your life, especially in the area of those who love you!
Ultimately blessed,
Jen
