So today Erick and I received some not so good news, we found out that both of us have issues in the baby making department, and if we were to put it into a percentage as to what are chances are of getting pregnant...it would be around a 12% chance (maybe lower) of conceiving naturally. Not so good. I was talking to some friends tonight about this and when I was, I wasn't feeling to bad or sad about it, I was actually thinking that it was funny. Why? Defense mechanism that helps to repress my true feelings? Feeling like no more news could make the situation harder? Well then the Lord put into my lap, that my Pappaw is in a coma, and Hospice is coming tomorrow. I have mentioned this earlier but this will be the first person in my life to die, first person that I "know" and is family. I have never experienced a death. So now I am feeling it... (Teri :( )My heart is aching, I realized I have been ran down by a steam roller, and my husband is not here to hold me. But then at the same time I feel comforted, like a spiritual fight. Half of me ready to make a HUGE pity party, and the other half whispering...Relax...Stop being so hormonal... Hold onto Hope...pain will only last for a night...joy in the morning...come to me weary and heavy laden I want to give you rest...rest from your plans...I am here to bring peace not confusion...my thoughts are higher than yours my plans are better than yours...Taste and see, I am good.
Sorry if I am bringing any of you down, I guess I just need accountability.
4 comments:
Jen, My heart aches for you. I have never walked through the death of someone close either. It's so hard to watch them fade away, but everything you said is so true...The Lord is Good. He works for the good of those who love him...and to bring Himself Glory. The same with your fertility. God can open and close wombs. I know it's hard...but He is Good, He is Love, He is Sovereign over ALL. Keep holding onto Him and His promises.
praying for you, girl. i know the Lord will continue revealing Himself to you. I hope to see you on Thr when Car and I come by FBA!
Sweet Friend,
It is okay to feel sad. It is an emotion that we have that points us to Christ. So don't beat yourself for feeling it. He will walk you through your trials and show you His greatness through them. While they still may bring you tears you will know that He is bigger then comas and 12%. Praying for you right now! See you this week!
I'm so sorry that I didn't read this until after you left tonight. Thank you for being such an open-book testimony as you go through this and allowing us to share in your sadness. I know that in God's timing and in His way that we will one day be sharing in your joy. He IS good. His plans ARE perfect. And He loves you more than all of us put together times 10. I am praying that He draws close to you during this time in a way that defies logic. That you experience Him in a way that you never have before so that you can share His love with others. I love you and am so thankful for your friendship!!! And we're praying!
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