Monday, January 18, 2010

Time outs for a 2 1/2 year old are a joke

Not that I want to spank, but I just feel sometimes that a pat to the butt would do a better job keeping a little girl in bed, than threating her with a time out when she is already in bed. I think that this has been one of the most challenging parts of fostering. Ally gets put into time out, no joke, about 15x a day. She goes there cries, when we ask her that she needs to listen to mommy and daddy, she says owkay; in her cute little voice. Then not even a minute later she is looking back at us and will do the same bad behavior, like taking a toy from Lena, or standing in the chair. When I was a kid if my parents threatened me with "do you want a spanking!!!???!!!" I would immediately stop, think, and probably change my action. (I was actually a very strong willed child and would say yea spank me, but there would be times that my butt was raw and I would say no, not very often though)
Anyways all that to say, not that I want to hit or hurt the kids, but a spanking threat works better than a time out threat. They do not work on Ally. I try to use positive reinforcement, but there is a communication barrier, she is 2, and I can't really use the words that would work. I have learned that saying "No, Stop, and Bad girl" are only being repeated and that makes me not so happy. Any advice??
Also how do you make a 9 month stop biting?? She is leaving marks on me, almost drawing blood, no kidding! I have tried to put something in her mouth, I have even tapped her on her lips and said no no bad, but she smiles at me and tries to go after my finger.She is a little piranha

okay enough blabbing, I am thankful that I have these two little girls to try to raise and give a foundation to.
(By the way that is not my 2 year old, I am not allowed to post pictures) If you do want to see some pics, let me know and I will get you some pics.



Michele said...

Those are reasons why I probably would not be able to foster children. I feel for ya!

But, I've been thinking anyway...and here are a few things to try. Maybe they'll help, maybe not.

1. I understand the getting in and out of bed syndrome. I learned this from "Super Nanny" it's a no spanking way (takes A LOT of patience and several nights before you begin to see profit). Every time she gets up, walk her back in, say "it's Night-night time", lay her down, and walk out. We've done this with both of ours and there were certainly nights that it took a long long time to get them down. But...for them, it's a funny little game. So, be as boring and unresponsive as possible. Say night night, put them back and walk out. Often times mine were out of their beds before I was out of the room. I would still walk out, then turn around and walk back in. It's draining....but it's worth a shot.

2. With Lena, give her something else to do instead. For instance, Hannah is a hitter. So, when she starts to hit me, I say, "no, no, we are sweet to mommy" then I gently touch my cheek and her cheek too. I started by showing her what "sweet" means (touching her cheek really soft, then touching my own). Now, when I tell her to "be sweet to mommy" she starts gently rubbing my cheek. I don't know if this would help...but again, worth a shot.

Along the same lines I guess....Hannah is also a screaming. I mean top of her lungs, high pitched scream. So, when I tell her not to do it, I (quietly) scream then pop myself in the mouth and say "no no, no screaming" Then I touch her lips and say "no, no, no screaming" I'm not suggesting you bit anyone, haha, but maybe you could make a biting motion and then "discipline yourself" so you know what she's doing, then touch her lips or mouth and say, "no no, no biting" Does that make sense? Now, when Hannah screams, she'll often stop herself and touch her mouth and say "no no".

Kids LOVE attention, and probably these were some of the only ways these two could get attention from their parent(s) (even if it's negative attention).'s a fun little game to them. So....your job is to make it not fun anymore. Don't respond they way they hope and try to teach an alternative. Hope that helps. I'll be praying for you.

Amanda said...

I want to see some pictures!

A friend of mine had a little boy that bit like that, and Maryn started to a few months ago. But a couple taps on the mouth and a firm no stopped it right away. But she was older. Google it!

Art Teacher said...

I want to see pics of your little ones!!! I need faces to go with their names. The only advice i can give you with the 2 1/2 year old is to keep being consistent...they say it will eventually pay off! We're not quite there yet so I don't speak from experience.
I can give my advice on the biting. Libby has bitten me a couple of times and the advice I was given was to say "ouch" very loudly and firmly so that you almost scare them a bit.
We also use baby signing, so lately when she has done it I say ouch and sign ouch and it does seem to work. Hope this helps!
Send me some pics so I can see those sweeties!

Michele said...

We used a gate with Nicole, but by Ali's age, I think it was down...or on it's way down...because she had learned to climb over it or just open it. Do you want to borrow ours to try it?

I like Carly's idea of'll take some practice, but this may help later too with Lena. We did some signing....maybe 8 or so, but I think Carly does a lot more. We still use the signs, even when we speak the word. Nicole had fun learning them too (again) so Lena might have fun "helping" you with it.

Michele said...

Does Ali have a "lovey" like a blanket, bear (or Nicole has "doggies") This would sometimes help nicole stay in bed. I would "talk" to her doggies and they would "talk" to me...and I would tell her how sleepy her doggies are and that she needed to stay in bed and help them fall asleep. I would tap into that little "maternal" instinct. It often worked.